Habits of Reverence

Spiritual Parenting Thought for the Month (SM)

Brought to you by Mimi Doe

September, 2008

V10 #9

SOULFUL FAMILY LIFE

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This newsletter is my gift to you in the hopes of empowering children and parents everywhere to live more joyful, connected lives.

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SOULFUL FAMILY LIFE

- Welcome From Mimi

- Habits of Reverence: an excerpt from Unity FM interview with Mimi Doe

- Prioritize Checking In With Your Child

- 10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting

- What's New

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September greetings,

It’s the month of new beginnings and letting go. September is about leaving the summer rhythm behind and making a fresh start to a new grade, a new semester – filled with possibilities. As our children grow older, this transition involves more than crisp notebooks and ink filled markers. With two daughters in college, Elizabeth will be a freshman at Dartmouth in two weeks and Whitney is a junior at Vanderbilt, back to school means saying goodbye to the vibrant young women who fill our home with their energy and of course piles of dorm “stuff.” It’s a bittersweet letting go marked by runs to pick up one more needed item to make their dorm rooms more comfortable. I can no longer write daily notes to tuck into their lunch bags so this feathering of their distant nests fills that maternal urge for nurturing.

Family dynamics change when our children grow up and onto the next chapters of their lives. Letting go is as inevitable a part of parenting as learning how to change a diaper. Whether you are waving goodbye to your young child stepping onto the big yellow school bus for the first time or, like me, packing off your youngest child for college, may grace fill your heart and may rituals, both new and old, soothe your soul.

Blessings and light from my heart to yours,

Mimi Doe

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The present is holy ground.
-- Alfred North Whitehead

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HABITS OF REVERENCE

The following is an excerpt from an interview with Mimi Doe earlier this spring on Unity FM radio, where she discussed spiritual parenting.

Jennifer: Well, Mimi, one of the things I have really learned by reading your book – and by the way at Unity Church at San Antonio where I’m the minister, we have a group called “The Soulful Parents” and they once a month gather on a Saturday and have a big potluck, and their children play in the yard, and they’ve been studying your Ten Spiritual Principles of Parenting…

Mimi: Oh, terrific.

Jennifer: …and so I spent some time with them when I get a chance to be with them on Saturdays, and one of the things that seems to be a resounding theme in your work is your calling as to the importance of carving out time for meaningful conversation for some family ritual. Most parents though would say they’re too busy to add another assignment to their day, especially if it’s an activity that doesn’t seem to result in a finite accomplishment. You know what I mean? Like cleaning out the garage, you can see the results of that, you know. So how do you support parents in getting beyond the problem of time?

Mimi: Well, first of all, it’s all a matter of how we look at how the ritual or how the tradition, or how the meaningful moment occurs. If we look at it as another thing to add to our already long to-do list, we are just going to move through our days, and 15 years from now we’re going to look back and say, “Huh? It was such a whirl, I don’t remember.” So we need to shift that thinking, first of all. We need to realize that it’s about endowing the every day with magic and wonder.

So what that means is, we have to, you know, get to school anyway. I’m not suggesting we add more to the list, I’m suggesting we enhance the list we have with what I call “habits of reverence.” Little habits, like for me when I put the keys in the car and there’s that annoying “ding, ding, ding” when the doors open or before we shut the door, I pause, I check in with myself. That’s my moment of reverence to connect with spirit. My younger daughter, every time she heard an ambulance, no matter where she was, if she heard siren, she’d pause, put her hands in her heart. “What are you doing?” I’d say. “I’m sending lights from my heart to whoever needs it right now.”

Well, she’s 17 and she still does that. Does that take any more time? No, it’s become a habit of reverence. Your family prayer before meals, Jennifer, will probably be passed down into your children’s family. At the moment, it does not take any longer, it’s become a tradition. It’s a touchdown to the soul of your family. You know, the kitchen table is the heart of the home, the altar of the home. It doesn’t take any longer to put a beautiful flower in the centerpiece before you sit down for the meal and hold hands. So, it’s about crafting more meaning into the life you’re already living. Does that make sense?

Jennifer: That’s very good news for parents. It really is because, you know, you’re speaking to already overcommitted people. But for them to have just a breath, it’s like taking a conscious breath, isn’t it?

Mimi: Absolutely.

Jennifer: It’s very much like that.

Mimi: And it’s also about saying, “I want to live this life instead of managing it. I want to be present for this life instead of just moving quickly through it to get to the next task on the list.” I mean, life would be pretty boring and grim if it was just about achieving and checking things off of the lists. We have to make the beds anyway. Let’s throw open the windows, turn on Aretha Franklin and sing “Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me” and make the bed with a joyful energy and our children in on the action.

When my kids were little I dressed up like the cleaning inspector, it was a big joke. I’d put on a trench coat and I’d say, with a thick accent, “The cleaning inspector is here!” and they would run and clean their rooms, and scream, and shriek, and everything would get clean. Now, was it as clean as I would have liked it to have been? No. See, it’s also about dropping our expectations of perfection?

Jennifer: Yes.

Mimi: And allowing what happens and unfolds to be okay. Are our kids going to remember in 10 years what was for dinner, what we made, the culinary masterpiece, or would they remember the vibe and the energy of what happened at that table?

Jennifer: Yes, that so speaks to my heart and you reminding me also that – particularly the story about the cleaning. We can drop our expectations for what someone else might have when they walk through the door.

Mimi: Yes, let go whatever people think. What matters is what you and the people you love think.

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One twelve-year-old boy, when asked by his father what he would like for his birthday, said, "Daddy, I want you!" His father was rarely at home. He was quite wealthy, but he worked all the time to provide for his family. His son was a bell of mindfulness for him. The little boy understood that the greatest gift we can offer our loved ones is our true presence.
— Thich Nhat Hanh

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PRIORTIZE CHECKING IN WITH YOUR CHILD

If you sense there is something going on in your child's life that is making her unhappy or worried, ask her about it. Select the time and the tone, but make it a priority. Then perhaps you can help her strategize a resolution. Come up with three specific things that can be done to make the situation better. As a result of this discussion she might be able to visualize, or picture, a solution. Maybe you decide to compose a prayer together for insight into the problem, or lead her in a Guided Journey where insight is gained from a wishing well full of answers. She can dip her cup in and read the sage words she has pulled out. No matter how busy your life has become, make sure to tune in and check up on how each of your children are doing – it’s easy for kids to go underground with their feelings when the whirl of a busy lifestyle doesn’t make space for communication.

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I wrote the book 10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting years ago and yet am still asked many times a week for the list of principles by parents, journalists, students, etc. Again, here are the 10 principles that can help you live a more connected, spiritual life, no matter the age of your kids:

10 PRINCIPLES FOR SPIRITUAL PARENTING

1. Know God Cares for You

2. Trust and Teach That All Life Is Connected and Has a Purpose

3. Listen to Your Child

4. Words Are Important, Use Them With Care

5. Allow and Encourage Dreams, Wishes, Hopes

6. Add Magic to the Ordinary

7. Create a Flexible Structure

8. Be a Positive Mirror for Your Child

9. Release the Struggle

10. Make Each Day a New Beginning

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Not twice this day
Inch time foot gem.
This day will not come again.
Each minute is worth a priceless gem.
— Zen Master Takuan

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~*~WHAT'S NEW~*~

PARENTING TEENS?

Are you the parent of teenagers? So am I and a few years ago I wrote Nurturing Your Teenager's Soul (St. Martin's Press). Unfortunately the book is going out of print. I've had the rights reverted to me so that I can reissue it with all sorts of extras including a CD with meditations for parents, etc. Stay tuned. In the meantime, do let me know what you'd like guidance on in terms of raising spiritual teenagers.

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO THESE DAYS

Lately I've been listening to Steve Halperns OM Zone on my laptop as I work. It transports me to ease and calm. Check out this instrumental CD and I promise you will find a new serenity.

MIMI BLOGS

Click HERE to visit my Blog. You can bookmark it on Google to receive updates of new posts. Do leave comments and suggestions so we can have a virtual conversation.

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CREATE A YEAR OF DREAMS

Make ALL your dreams come true with the Dream Manifesto!

For YEARS I have been creating vision boards or treasure maps using poster boards and images of what

I would like to manifest in my life...Literally for about 24 years...

Up until now...

Now, since I'm on my computer so much of the time...I've installed this easy to use software, literally I had it up and running in less than 5 minutes, and my images are scheduled to appear with sound...that I've created...every few hours...reminding me of what I wish to focus upon...

It's crazy cool! In fact, I have had to delete most of the images I first put up as they HAVE COME TRUE. Time for new dreams!

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TREAT YOUR TEENAGERS TO STRESS FREE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS!

If your children are in high school, pick up a copy of my book: Don't Worry You'll Get In: 100 Tips for Stress Free College Admission. I believe that knowledge is power and have created various ways to help make the application and admissions process less stressful.

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CREATE A LIFE LIVED ON PURPOSE THIS FALL

Busy but Balanced

Begin this fall to craft a more balanced life!

This book takes you through the year, week by week...Full of tips, tools, ideas and inspiration for crafting a family life that is calm, centered, and full of joy!

Your kids head back to school and you can dive into this weekly, inspirational guide for living a more meaningful life.

Your own new semester of sorts.

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Spiritual Parenting Thought for the Month (SM) is written and produced by Mimi Doe and Karen Adolphson. If you have any stories to share, questions or comments, please send them to: Editor@SpiritualParenting.com. We'd love to hear from you!

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Mimi Doe, Author of:
"Nurturing Your Teenager's Soul"
"Busy But Balanced"
"10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting"
"Drawing Angels Near"

http://www.SpiritualParenting.com